Locals, Statues, and Tour Guides: The Residents of New York

Brendan Courter, Co-Editor

With 8.6 million people and one of the most diverse populations on the planet, New York City offers a wide variety of personalities. Because New York is the city that never sleeps, there are weirdos lurking around at all hours. There are only three kinds of people in New York: tour guides, statues, and locals (tourists do not count because they are not people). I met all three on the senior trip. Now it is your turn.

 

Tour guides

I met several tour guides while cruising through Manhattan, but only one of them still clings to my heart today. Mike (I never learned his last name) was our tour guide, a friendly local with Jewish roots. Mike was the most photogenic man I have ever met, just take a look for yourself.

To keep any of his group from getting lost in the crowd, Mike held a green lightsaber above his head for the majority of our walks. He called it the Mike-saber, and it was an object of pure beauty, just like its owner.

Mike’s dashing looks and charisma distracted many of us from his darker nature. I have no Idea what he is doing here, or why I took the picture, but this proves that there is more to Mike beyond his fluffy exterior.

I am unsure of the context of this photo. Looking back on it I have always just assumed that someone insulted Mike’s magnificent city, so he reacted accordingly.

This picture was meant to be of a gothic church right in the middle of Manhattan. I was way off, but I managed to capture something even more magnificent: Mike about to initiate a satanic ritual, one of many we experienced.

 

Statues

While there were fewer statues in New York than there were locals, the statues never never yelled at me for being in the way, so I will talk about them first.

This fellow is located on an elevated nature reserve, formerly a raised railroad track, in the center of New York known as The High Line. The statue is comprised of loosely connected cuts of stone.

This is a big orange cube with a hole in it. I found it in New York… somewhere. ‘Nuff said.

This statue of Alice from Alice in Wonderland can be found in Central Park. It is permitted, even encouraged, for tourists to climb on the statue. The locals were probably hoping that we would fall off and go home.

A neat sculpture of an angel atop a fountain from a terrifying angle. It was also featured in John Wick: Chapter 2, which is the only reason I took a picture of it.

 

Locals

Now to discuss New York’s natives. There are 8.6 million of them. I only took a handful of pictures, but I believe that the few pictures that I did take accurately represent the New York populus.

I met Bruce Willis at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum. Such a fantastic actor pretended to be a wax figure the entire time. He refused to move even when I was checking his pockets for loose change.

I refer to this structure as the naked lady building. Why? A Southwestern tour group several years ago visited this building to be greeted by a naked woman waving from several stories up. We did not see anyone like that, and we did not need to because we have our precious Mike.

While losing my fingers to frostbite next to the Statue of Liberty, these ducks were chilling in the water. These ducks were cool. Maybe a little too cool.

This picture sums up just about every encounter that I had with locals in Manhattan.

The coolest local I discovered in New York by far. See how he is blocking access to the door? Only a true New Yorker has that kind of confidence. The squat. The emotionless gaze. Such power cannot be held by a mere mortal. This man is a god.